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What sets the men apart from the women--The Oil Change!
Oil Changing Instructions for Women:
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Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change.
- Drink a cup of coffee.
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Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a correctly performed oil change
Money spent: $20.00 for oil change
$1.00 for coffee
____________________
Total = $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:(sorry guys)
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Go to O'Reilly's Auto Parts and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
- Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly's to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
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Open a beer and drink it.
- Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
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Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
- In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
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Place drain pan under engine.
- Look for 9/16 box-end wrench.
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Give up and use crescent wrench.
- Unscrew drain plug.
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Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil. Spill hot oil on self in process.
- Clean up mess.
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Have another beer while watching oil drain.
- Look for oil filter wrench.
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Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
- Beer.
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Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
- Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
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Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
- Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
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Walk to 7-Eleven; buy beer.
- Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
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Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
- Remember drain plug from step 11.
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Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
- Discover that the drain plug is buried in a hole in the backyard, along with
the used oil.
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Drink beer.
- Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
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Discover that the first quart of fresh oil is now on the driveway.
- Drink beer.
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Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
- Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
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Begin cussing fit.
- Throw wrench.
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Beer
- Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
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Beer.
- Beer.
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Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
- Beer.
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Lower car from jack stands.
- Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
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Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step
39
- Beer.
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Test-drive car.
- Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
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Car gets impounded.
- Make bail: Get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
$50.00 parts
$25.00 beer
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands (hey, the colors have to match!)
$1,000.00 bail
$200.00 impound and towing fee
______________
Total = $1,350.00 (ummmm, no comment from me)
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